Pushing the Princess Off Her Pedestal

Why are we so enraptured by the Blake Lively/Justin Baldoni lawsuit? Could it be about power?

TW: Rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment. Also, people don’t change my opinions, facts do.

Photo by tabitha turner on Unsplash

Let’s get the perfunctory bits out of the way, shall we? I am a survivor of rape, sexual assault, and sexual harassment. Over a decade ago, a man attacked me in my home, where I felt most safe, and took things from me. Parts of me that will never be repaired or replaced. I am changed. I don’t love as easily or as hard. I’ve built a fortress around my heart and I’ve got my armaments and artillery — ready for battle or ready to flee, but I’m no longer someone who moves easily over the surface of things. Rather, I’m much like an armored tank over a road, spinning up dust every which way I go.

I dress the wounds. I know that healing takes time. I accept I may never be the person I once was.

I reported the harassment at the investment bank where I worked. I told HR about my boss who propositioned me while we were out for drinks with clients. Little did I know my boss was having an affair with the head of HR. A co-worker, who endured taunts about her stockings and the things men could do with them, told me to be quiet. Not make a fuss. Nobody’s going to get fired, she said. Except maybe for us. And nobody did. This was 1998.

I didn’t report the rape because the idea of walking into a police station, the idea of saying, yes, I was drunk. Yes, I invited him to my home. And yes, I changed my mind yet he had other plans — the idea of saying all of these things and knowing, even now, even in a supposedly woke culture, how the story would be received. How hard it would be prove. And I’d just left my job, lost my cat, and the idea of being a rape victim was too much to bear.

One day, he viewed my LinkedIn profile and I couldn’t leave the house for two days I shook that violently and hard. I blocked him and I’m grateful that I’ve forgotten his name or what he looks like.

I’m grateful for how time can erase some things.

All of which to say — I know how hard it is for us to be believed. I know the stigma male victims face. I know the whispers and disbelief women face — do you really want to ruin someone’s life, everyone always says conveniently forgetting that this someone already ruined yours. I believe victims first and always, but I also believe in trust, then verify.

Although it’s rare and unfathomable, but it is possible for a woman to lie. And I hate even typing that because that one lie has the ability to undo so many truths. And why would a woman betray her own?

But what I’ve learned in the forty some odd years of life that we all have the capacity for betrayal — it simply depends on the circumstance. And you are foolish if you believe differently.

So, why is that so many people are consumed by a story of two rich celebrities battling it out in court? Why does this particular story rise above the din? And why does it feel there’s so much at stake when these very rich and privileged people will never suffer the daily struggles most of us do. They are not the children of war.

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But let’s pause, rewind the tape.

In 2019, actor Justin Baldoni bought the rights to Colleen Hoover’s It Ends With Us, a film that was loosely based on Hoover bearing witness to her mother’s abuse. This was before she blew up on TikTok and got uber-famous. This was long after I attempted to read Verity and couldn’t get past the first page — but I digress. Honestly, up until this kerfuffle I’d never heard of Baldoni, but I knew of Lively’s work from Gossip Girl and Age of Adeline (which I quite liked) and professional red-carpet preening. Most know her as the wife of Ryan Reynolds.

Baldoni makes the film with Blake Lively as his co-lead and things go south. Rumors of creative difference run amok and the tension was palpable at the film’s release. Why was Baldoni noticeably absent? Why did it seem as if his co-stars shunned him? And why was Blake Lively prattling on about florals and haircare and promoting an alcohol brand alongside a movie about domestic violence when 55% of domestic perpetrators were drinking prior to their assault according to the WHO. While 80% of men who killed or abused female partners were problem drinkers in the year preceding the incident.

I was baffled by it all, but candidly, I didn’t care because I had no interest in seeing the movie or keeping up with Hollywood drama. Until the NYT piece, “We Can Bury Anyone’: Inside a Hollywood Smear Machine,” was published in late December — shockingly not behind a paywall. I cared because the journalists were revered from their Me Too reporting. Disappointed because yet another seemingly good guy was actually a monster. Granted, Blake Lively is a tone-deaf mean girl who got married on a planation, but two truths could be possible — she could be an asshole who was the victim of assault. So, believed her as many were wont to do.

Brief aside: Salon has an excellent timeline if you want to burrow deep.

And then I was transfixed when Baldoni filed his series of countersuits. When he released unedited text messages (and I’m assuming actual phone records from the actual carriers will be supplied and submitted into evidence) and videos. Never have I seen anyone so vigorous in their defense, so adamant about clearing their name because you can’t shed a predator label. And for those who are actual predators, they deserve a full cancellation and justice under the law.

I actually sat through a four-hour live-steam of commentators going through the lawsuit, line by line. And I watched a series of exceptional TikToks of someone dissecting the lawsuit and many from an experienced actor who gave us a different point-of-view of the released video — most were viewing the video from the perspective of what we know: being an employee in an office environment. But acting is different, and it reminded me that it’s always important to listen to actual experts, consume all the facts from both sides, and form your own opinion. And then I actually read all the lawsuits and I was floored.

The fact that a woman could (and I say could because this hasn’t gone to trial yet and we don’t have all the evidence) go to such lengths to ruin a man’s life simply over film rights is downright diabolical. I can’t fathom the level of sociopathic behavior required to even do this and live with yourself. Part of me hopes she has a smoking gun, real evidence that will vindicate her, but it seems unlikely. Then again, there’s always another news cycle.

And it occurred to me why people care so much about this case — it’s about power in a moment when we feel powerless.

We’re witnessing tech media giants, who control the information we receive, stand proud at an inauguration. We’re witnessing the sheer chaos of the first ten days of presidency. All of this while most of us struggle to keep afloat with healthcare costs, food bills and simply living in a home feels like a luxury. I made the joke the other day that if I had $5000 lying around the first thing I do would be to spend it on dental care and I wouldn’t even make a dent.

We’re witnessing a moment when people are sick of the wealthy and powerful holding so much control over a divided country — where we’re fed lies about trans people, gay people, Black people, Hispanic people — anyone who’s not cis, white, and Christian. Lies that divide a distracted country which should be united because if the majority class rose up, it would frighten the billionaires and establishment elite. Why do you think the federal government (and mainstream media) is making an example of Luigi Mangione when school shooters aren’t given the same perp walks and treatment?

Because murdered CEOs matter more than murdered children.

Never in my life did I think I would doubt CNN, The New York Times, MSNBC — once bastions of objective reporting. I doubt everything because I see how easily people are bought and paid for. I see how easily corporate interests can skew journalistic integrity. And it’s become such that I have to read all sides and find objective journalists to understand what’s really going on and what’s really going on is the Goliaths really want to control the Davids. Subjugate us into oblivion. Make us turn against one another instead of uniting under the common enemy — those who make their money off the suffering and backs of people.

And I see the same language echoed in the comments sections of social media posts, news articles, and videos related to the Lively/Baldoni/Reynolds debacle. How people are cheering on Baldoni (David, though backed by a billionaire — let’s be honest) against the Hollywood power couple and their “dragon,” Taylor Swift. The funny guy and the princess who finds it hard to take no for an answer.

People are desperate to knock the power couple off their pedestal. People are desperate for the little guy — any little guy — to finally get a win.